09 Dec oh friday.
you’re not what you used to be. a quick dash home from work to shovel down some carbs and consult on the nights ensemble with T. followed by an evening that passes in a blur of beer, bars and boys.
these days i need a nap when i get home from work. i must be getting old. or working too much. had dinner with T tonight (“you’re not wearing heels are you?”) and it was nice to catch up. tried to have some lazy time but my conscience got the better of me and i figured i should probably try to accomplish something productive. i was also supposed to go to bed early.
wordpress deleted my last blog post (bastard) regarding photographers i follow. one of my big challenges this year has been trying to constantly find new information to challenge me, inspire me and teach me more about this craft. my biggest struggle is constantly learning how to become better at this. practice and knowledge. its very daunting sometimes so i find myself wandering onto blogs to find people who constantly inspire me and remind me of the reason i do all of this. “nobody ever said it was going to be easy”. that quote kind of snapped me into action earlier this year and i finally got off my ass and did something about it. a friend said it to me and though i’ve heard it a million times, it struck a chord in me and i hopped to. since then i’m very proud of what i’ve accomplished. i started small and tried to convince myself to edit just ONE photo a night, or look up something i was confused about. now…its hard to stay away from this big ole screen. and i’m loving every minute of it. even those that find me on my 2nd cup of coffee at work, jonesing for a red bull. because the dark circles and the tired eyes make me realize that i’m working towards my goal, no matter the cost. and i’m proud of myself for that.
i often feel like a dumbass when it comes to photography. theres so much to know and so much to learn and i learn more by doing than by reading. so its so intimidating to read the professional blogs with all their terminology and i often find myself farther behind than i thought i was. its kind of a blow to the ego. but i’m often too hard on myself, and its a hard habit to break. everyone had to start somewhere right? you just dont think about that when you visit their websites and seeing their amazing images.
i had heard jasmine star’s name in passing a few times through wedding photographers i’ve worked for; her name first cropped up a few years ago. since then i’ve heard more and more about her. i get emails every so often, as i subscribed to her blog a long time ago. recently though, something brought me to her website and blog. and i found it incredibly inspiring and uplifting. jasmine’s personality jumps off the page as soon as the website loads. you see immediately who she is, never mind WHAT she creates. shes beautiful and vibrant and most of all, happy and passionate. when she talks about “the moments in the in-between”, it’s like a lightbulb….its what i love about photography but have never been able to put into words. those fleeting moments of emotion. a wink, a loving look, or a sexy glance that you think no one notices but the two of you. its a secret. and her job is to capture that for the two of you.
whats most inspirational about jasmine is her story. i ordered her magazine, ‘exposed’. i didn’t know what to expect….a bunch of advertisements for photo equipment with a few photography tips thrown in? what i found was not a photography magazine, it was jasmine’s journey finding herself. the very place i find myself now. she talked about leaving a reliable path to a career as a lawyer, to pursue something exciting, that she felt something for. because really, how strongly can you feel about lawyers? their passion is faaaaaaaake. no offense. i cant explain how this magazine came at the right time for me. i am the play-it-safe girl (unless you count being sans medical insurance for a few years). i like my safe little bubble. i like knowing what’s coming and what to expect. but it isn’t very exciting or rewarding. jasmine’s story talks about how scared she was to leave what she had been working towards for this new passion. and though shes succeeded beyond her wildest dreams, she still tells us how insecure she felt, standing in the same room as those who had been shooting for years, feeling insecure, like she was a fraud. i feel that way a lot and it’s almost enough to make me give up.
jasmine’s story inspired me. all i can do is try my best. work hard, and sleep later. i always want to give up, but she gave me another jolt of inspiration….yeah it might be hard, but look where you can end up. happy. fulfilled. doing something you love that you’re passionate about.
the only goal i’ve ever had in life was to be happy. it doesn’t matter to me how much money i make, or how successful i am. if i’m happy at the end of my life, and passionate about something, i’ll consider it a good life. i feel so grateful to have this something inside of me, that makes me ache for more out of life, for something i’m passionate about that fulfills me, that i care about. jasmine’s story was another reminder of why i’m doing this.
so i wrote to her. and i thanked her for sharing and i told her some of my story. and holy moly batman:
oh, alexandra, THANK YOU!!!!
this email means more than you know and i appreciate your support. it’s emails like this and people like you who make me feel so blessed to do what i love. and don’t ever let your worries/insecurities stand in the way of your dreams….you can do it! 🙂
stay fabulous, j*
i couldn’t believe she wrote me back! like, a famous photographer! dude i live in the sticks…..i mean. we did produce ashton kutcher but it seems that was not even that great.
that touched me. that she took time out of her day to read my thoughts and empathize with my feelings. so, now i shall move to california and camp out on her street.
what an amazing girl! thank you jasmine for your story and for reminding me WHY we do this!!
visit her blog – www.jasminestarblog.com and her website www.jasmine-star.com